Running in the heat. aka finding lots of reasons not to run.

Hey Jacey - how is your training going?

I developed a half marathon training plan for Jacey.  I even scheduled it around her current life (because i didn't just half ass this/download hal higdon's plan and email it to her -- she is more than capable of doing that on her own). 

Last night, i got a text asking "what if i run in place for 30 minutes in my airconditioned apartment...does that count?"

No. No, that totally doesn't. But i feel her pain.  Its well over 90 with high humidity out here in Chicago (I'm assuming it is just as hellish in Milwaukee..) - everytime i think of running I also think "naw, girl, your ass looks good. you can skip this workout." But I went last night and did a speed workout. In the heat. Because I remember when my ass DIDN"T look good. and I don't want to go back to that place ever again. 

So - Jacey - did you end up running? Aside from running in the heat being just about the most miserable thing anyone can do - how is the training going so far?

holiday moonshine

My friend says that I attract crazy like hillbillies to moonshine. She has a point. My life is so full of moonshine right now -  I just want to be a lonely old lady. I give up on men.  I had two dates over the holiday weekend:

Date 1 was a first date on friday.  He said that he most often is told he looks like Justin Timberlakeso my expectations were pretty high.  His head was WAY too small - I"m talking Men in Black alien head small here...and he laughed like a nervous little girl. more like a high pitch giggle. ugh.

The KICKER? He tells ME that it isn't going to work out - like HE has any room to be picky! I'm not saying that I'm a 10 or anything, but getting dumped by a giggling alien headed guy after just one date was kind of a blow!

Date 2 was on Saturday and was the second date with a guy whom I was super excited about but then felt NOTHING for during our first date.  I gave him a second try because maybe we were both nervous on the first date?  Or maybe I had accidently taken one too many xanax and couldn't feel any emotion whatsoever.  In any event - I opted for a second date because this guy is PERFECT on paper.

We go out (he picked a Vegan restaurant which was very thoughtful). its ok. I mean, we get along. He is interesting, smart, and not bad looking. But seriously, I felt NOTHING for him.

 

He tries to impress me by saying he went on a 50 mile ride. Which is an admirable distance (except i used to ride 40-60 miles every single day). But then he completely ruins it by saying that after SUCH A LONG RIDE, he can barely walk and his legs are jello.

Now i'm thinking,  "wow. where did you put your purse on your ride? I mean, you had to keep your lipstick and tampons somewhere."  Don't worry.  I didn't say that.  I'm much nicer after I apply that brain to mouth filter. 

 

He asks where I want to go after dinner and i said "home."  He was very understanding (you must have to get up early tomorrow to run!) but then asks for a ride home because he is too tired to take public transportation.  Now i'm just irritated.  I have to drive him like 6 miles out of my way (and in Chicago, 6 miles takes a while) which i'm not happy about.  He leans over to give me a kiss when he gets out of the car - i'm thinking a peck. but he full on tries to eat my face. And while is prodding me with his tongue, he moans. MOANS. He says "oooh that was SOO much better than last time." (Yeah, last time i was able to turn so he only got to peck my cheek...).

He was sweating like a Brazilian whore in the summertime. I felt so dirty.

I pull back, and say bye. He was leaving for India on sunday so i assumed that he will be gone 2 weeks and i can just ignore him when he gets back and that will be the end of that.

 

God, I was so WRONG.  that SAME NIGHT

he sends me a text asking if i'm free THE FUCKING NIGHT HE GETS BACK because he wants to have me over to his place so he can cook for me and watch movies. Movies. With an "s".  Plural. Guy code for "spend the night."

 

I didn't reply.

 

Sunday - on his way to the airport - he sends a text saying he is off to India. Like we are some sort of couple and he needs to let me know his travel schedule. He wishes that I were going with him and asked what i wanted him to bring me back.  Like we are a god damn couple.  Like we are a god damn couple in a long term relationship.

 

I didn't reply. 

 

I think i'm going to send him a message online telling him that it is over (I mean, i don't want him to have to pay for internataionl texting fees to hear that i'm ending our 2 date apparently committed relationship).

 

Time to invest in sweat pants and cats because this dating thing is NOT for me.